Surprises
by cheeza
Summary: There's Abby, Carter and a few surprises!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own any of the characters on ER. Jason, is completely mine though!   
  
Spoilers: Season Eight   
  
Author's Note: This is my second fanfic so I still need all the advice I can get. Either review to let me know what you think or e-mail me at: cheeza@supanet.com   
  
Surprises   
  
Chapter one   
  
I lie in his arms thinking. My mind goes over the past year. All the things that have happened. Some happy, some sad - mostly the latter. I think about Carter's revelation last year and the strain it put on our friendship. Looking back I realise he had to tell me. Everything changed after that. I realised I wasn't being honest about my true feelings for him. Things between Luka and I went from bad to worse. We broke up. We didn't love each other. I think about the time beside the river when I told Carter I was waiting. He rejected me. It hurt, God it hurt. But it doesn't matter, not anymore. I think about lying, beaten on my apartment floor scared and alone, two emotions I have grown comfortable with over the years. About staying with Luka. Turns out we are better off as friends. I see him smile more now. I laugh at the irony of it...I want Luka, my ex who I was with for a year, as a friend and Carter, my best friend who knows me better than anyone else in the world as...I sigh and remember my relapse. After six years I started drinking again. I managed to get sober again - thanks to Carter - and I'm still going strong. I still don't know why I relapsed. I suppose I felt I reached the end of the road. What was the point of being sober when I was alone and unhappy? But...I got through it and I'm okay now.  
  
Finally, I think of the lockdown. I was so scared that day. Funny thing was, I wasn't scared for me. I was scared at the possibility of losing Carter before we got our friendship back on track. Well actually, I was just scared of losing Carter, period. He kissed me! I suppose it was his way of telling me everything was gonna be fine. When his lips touched mine I felt like I was floating. It was everything I had ever wanted and it was from Carter! It was... indescribable. We made love that night. It was magical. Soft, gentle but so full of passion. It felt...natural. I had to keep pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Afterwards he just held me. Like he was too scared to let me go in case I disappeared. So he held me and stroked my hair until I was asleep.  
  
My thoughts are interrupted by the figure beneath me.  
  
"Good morning" he whispers. I smile back contentedly. He kisses me lightly as I reply,  
  
"Morning"  
  
He stands and goes to the bathroom. Minutes later I hear the shower running. I continue to huddle in bed missing the extra heat. My mind drifts back to the lockdown.  
  
That night I had thought this is it! We've done it - crossed the line. I figured we'd be together, finally happy. But I woke up - literally! I remember looking over at Carter's sleeping form and being overwhelmed. Here I was waking up next to the man I had been in love with for so long, my best friend. Then it happened - I got scared and, like always, I ran away. It meant nothing. No! That's the problem, it meant everything - to me. Him? He was just caught in the moment, trying to help me through it. He didn't want me - not anymore. I couldn't stick around for him to tell me it was a mistake. I couldn't take the heartache, not again. There would have been no way our friendship could have lasted. So, I left. We're okay now though. Things were strange for a while but we're okay.  
  
I realise I've been thinking about Carter all morning. Oh well, no surprises there then! The tall figure reappears in my bedroom doorway. I smile as he walks towards me. He gently kisses my forehead.   
  
"I've gotta go to work." He says.  
  
"Okay. See you tonight?"   
  
"I'm working. I'll call you tomorrow."  
  
I smile and nod as he exits. My boyfriend! We've been together six weeks. He's...smart, funny, sexy. He's...he's...I know deep down he's not enough. He's not Carter. 


	2. chapter 2

I slowly roll over and look at the clock. 11:30am. Damn! I must have fallen back to sleep. I start to sit up but a wave of nausea convinces me otherwise. So, again, I lie in bed and think about my situation, just like this morning. I try to figure out how I ended up with Jason. I remember my night with Carter and know why. I needed to move on. Wanting Carter I ws just setting myself up for a whole world of heartache. I remember the first time I met Jason. It was just after an argument with the gorgeous Doctor. A month after our night. That's how pathetic I am! I refer to it as 'our' night. Jason was there. He made me laugh. Made me feel that there was some guys out there who were...safer to be with. Safer as in I probably wouldn't fall madly in love with them. We didn't start dating straight away. He called me a couple of weeks later and asked me out. I figured hell - why not?! So I said yes and here we are six weeks later - still together. I am happy! I know I am. I really like being with Jason it'd just sometimes I feel this emptiness inside me. Like there's a hole where my heart should be. I know I can't fall as completely as I have for Carter. But I am happy! Jason is great! He's fun, sexy, almost everything you could want from a guy. He's not Carter - but that's a good thing. Do we have a future? Who knows? But I'm enjoying the present. I only hurt sometimes. That's progress - right? 

I look over at the clock again and realise I've been lost in thought for half an hour. I sit up, determined to push the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomache away. I've got things to do. I've got to go to work for a start! 

As I stand, the room begins to spin. I run to the bathroom, barely making it before unleashing the contents of my stomache into the toilet. 

After about five minutes I think my stomache is finally empty but I don't have the energy to move so I sit there, on my bathroom floor supporting myself with one arm on the toilet. God I'm tired! Surprising considering the amount of sleep I had yesterday. I must be coming down with something because I've never slept so muchin my entire life as I have in the past few days. 

I finally pull myself up and drag myself over to the sink. I splash cold water over my face and look up. I let out a gasp as I look in the mirror. God I'm a mess! My hair is going in about a hundred different directions. It looks like a bird nested on my head! My eyes are dark and sunken and...is that? God! I quickly wipe the trace of vomit off my chin. 

After an hour, I have somehow managed to shower and put on something that at least resembles a wearable outfit. I make another visit to the bathroom. Seems my stomache wasn't completely empty. 

I pull on my coat and scramble out the door. The cold Chicago wind hits me at full force. Surprisingly it makes me feel better. I'll be okay. All I need is coffee. When I get coffee, I'll be great! 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

A couple of days later, I find myself lying in bed thinking about my relatinoships - again! God! I really have to get myself a life! I slowly sit up and am greeted by the all to familiar nauseous feeling. I run to the bathroom and after about fifteen minutes I emerge to find Jason standing with a smile and a cup of coffee. 

"My saviour!" I say taking the cup. He looks concerned. 

"Still feeling sick?" He asks. 

"Two hundred points for the man in the blue shirt!" I snap. I immediately apologise. So I feel like crap - doesn't give me the right to be a bitch. 

"Oh Jason. I'm sorry. I'm just..." He hold his hand up to quieten me. 

"Ssh, it's okay." He tuck a stray hair - one of many - behind my ear. I'm so lucky to have him. Here I am getting all emotional now! 

"I have to run," he plants a kiss on my cheek, "I have a meeting with the senior partners." 

I glance at the bed. I could just take a quick nap and... 

"Don't even think about it!" He laughs. Busted! "You have a Doctor's appointment with in an hour." I hold my hands up in surrender, 

"Okay okay!" 

"Bye" He leaves and again, I run to the bathroom. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

An hour and a half later I walk down the streets of Chicago. I can't believe it! I'm not sure how I feel. Shocked would be a good guess. Happy? Yeah I think I am. How am I going to tell him? I exhale quickly, completely - shocked! How am I going to tell Jason? I don't even hesitate. I whip out my cell phone and dial the number. It rings a couple the times before someone picks up. There's a small pause. 

"Hello" he sounds tired. Did I wake him? Dammit! I contemplate hanging up but I really need to talk. 

"Carter? I really need to talk to you! It's important!" I blurt out. He immediately waked up and answers equally as quickly, the concern in his voice obvious. 

"What's wrong? Has something happened?" 

"I... Meet me in Doc's in fifteen?" 

"I'll be there" I disconnect. 

I should really have called Jason but I can't read him the way I can Carter. I don't know what to say. Right now second best isn't good enough. I need Carter. God that sounds harsh. Let's face it - I'm a bitch! 

* * * * * * * * 


	3. chapter 3

I sit in a booth in Docs nervously playing with a napkin. I'm taking deep breaths - good practice I guess. I look at the door for the hundredth time and finally see him enter. He looks worried. I must have freaked him out. As he scans the place looking for me I take in his soft, tired eyes, his tall frame and the shadow on his chin. I must have woken him - he didn't even have time to shave. He finally spots me and as he walks over the butterflies in my stomach turn into bats. God he looks great! 

"Hey" I say as I try to suppress a grin. He sits opposite me. I see the conflict in his eyes. Should he show how worried he is or act calm and let me tell him? He goes for calm. 

"Hey" he smiles. He looks so... Yum. "So what's up?" 

"Nothing" Why would anything be wrong?" I ask defensively. I grimace, knowing I'm being unreasonable. 

"Well... You sounded like you really needed to talk..." He trails off, eyebrows raised. This tiny gesture shows how worried about me he really is. 

"I'm sorry. I'm fine" I smile. It's really good to see him. A waitress comes over with the soda I have ordered. Carter sees my drink and looks a little confused. He's wondering why I haven't ordered coffee. Oh well here goes. "I'm just a little..." 

"Coffee please." He tells the waitress. 

"Pregnant!" 

"What?" I look into his deep chocolate brown eyes as the waitress leave. Is she smirking? He, on the other hand, looks, well shocked. I search for any other emotion and I swear I can see some disappointment. This sets the bats off again. Where's the bathroom?? I look down at the table, playing with my napkin. Please say something! Even if it's just to yell at me I beg silently. 

"Sorry." He apologises, clearly embarrassed, "I'm just...surprised I guess." 

"Yeah" I say. I meant to sound confident but it's barely audible. Come on Abby, be strong! "Surprised isn't the word." 

"So...um...are you happy about it?" I slowly look up at him. I smile. 

"Completely. I've never been this happy before..." I trail off thinking about the conception. I grin wickedly, "Well, maybe once." 

"Well that's great!" He smiles. A true Carter smile has got to be one of the best things in the world and I'm seeing it right now. He takes a sip of his coffee. "What does Jason think?" 

I noticed how he practically spits the name out. He tried to be nice to Jason but for some reason they don't get on. I look down and feel slightly ashamed that I hadn't told him yet. He notices my discomfort. 

"I mean, he does know...right?" I continue to watch the table, not daring to look at his eyes. 

"No," I pause. I look up feeling the need to justify myself. "I mean not yet. I will... I just found out and I had to tell someone." 

"Well congratulations. Really! I think you'll make a great mother." I look down again, feeling myself blushing. I suddenly become - of all things - shy. He's so sweet. 

"Thanks" 

There's a silence. We sit drinking, enjoying each others company. I don't know what to say next so thank god he speaks first. 

"So...how far along are you?" 

I concentrate on my drink. The bubbles suddenly becoming very interesting. 

"Twelve weeks" I mumble. He takes time to absorb this then looks at me, confused. 

"Twelve weeks? But you and Jason have only been together..." He stops dead and gasps - Oh God! Now what do I do? Please ground swallow me! "Twelve weeks...oh! You...I..." 

I look up, finally, searching his eyes for the second time that day. Again all I see is shock. His expression would make me laugh under different circumstances. His eyes are wide and his lips form the perfect 'O'. I smile nervously, biting my lip. 

"Surprise..." 


	4. chapter 4

Surprises Chapter Four 

A/N: Finally! Here it is...sorry for the wait! I hope it was worth it! 

E-mail: cheeza@supanet.com 

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What? What am I supposed to say? My mind begins to spin, a wave of different emotions attacking me from every angle. Shock, fear, happiness, relief. Relief that it isn't his. Relief that I haven't lost her completely. Is that selfish? Who's have thought that two little words could turn someone's life around so completely? Twelve weeks. 

Memories of that night, our night, come flooding back. It was perfect. It was everything I have ever wanted. It was Abby and I together. But she didn't feel the same. It was a mistake she had said. Not to me it wasn't. It was hard getting past it at first. Knowing I had everything I ever wanted and I lost it. Then she started dating him. Some guy she didn't even know and I all I wanted to do was scream 'what does he have that I don't? Why him?' But he makes her happy and that's all that matters. She's happy...something I never seemed to make her. We don't talk about 'us' now. We're both too fragile, I think. It's probably for the best. At least, that's what I have to tell myself. 

But now I'm not so sure. She's having a baby - my baby. I can see her sitting there and I want to tell her how happy I am...but I'm not sure if she wants that. Does she want me to be involved? I look over at her, hoping to find the answer I her eyes. She looks scared...scared and nervous. I should say something. Comfort her. 

"Are you keeping it?" I hear myself ask. Yeah, good one John - very comforting! Her eyes glaze over and I know I hurt her. 

"Yes" 

"I'm sorry...I just..." I begin to babble, desperate to make it up to her. 

"I know" she smiles slightly, letting me know she's okay. "Yeah, I'm keeping it. Things are different this time." This time? What does that mean? I look at her but I don't think she even realises what she said. 

"This time?" I ask softly. She looks up at me, her eyes full of sadness. I can see her indecision. Should she tell me or not? She opens her mouth and whispers, 

"I was pregnant before. With Richard. I...I had and...abortion." A single tear slides down her cheek and I immediately feel like an asshole. I should've left it alone. I quickly slide out of my seat and take one next to her. I pull her into my arms, stroking her hair as she sobs against me. I just sit there and hold her. It's what she needs - support. 

She sits up and wipes away her tears with the back of her hand. She's been through so much in her life. I wish I could protect her from all the bad things in the world, from anything that could hurt her. She begins to speak again, her voice trembling, echoing the sadness in her eyes, 

"I never told him. I was so scared..." I hold my hand up to silence her. She shouldn't have to go through this again, 

"You don't have to explain." I say softly. I don't want to cause her anymore pain. She takes my hand and holds it in her own, 

"I want to." I nod and she continues softly, "Richard and I were falling apart. He was never around. I was still drinking and I had just had to deal with Maggie. I was so scared when I found out. All I kept thinking was, 'What if it's Bipolar?' I was a mess. I couldn't have coped with a baby." 

More tears form in the corner of he eyes and my heart breaks. She's been through so much pain. I wipe away her tears and wish I could do the same to her pain. Take it all away, so that she could be happy. 

"I was unhappy. With Richard, with Maggie, with myself. I would have been a terrible mother. I kept thinking it would be like Maggie. I couldn't go through that again. I was so fragile. Part of the reason was Richard. I didn't want to be with him. I didn't want to have his baby. I know it sounds selfish but I guess I just didn't love him enough." 

We sit in silence for a moment. She leans against me, and just hold her again. I look down at our fingers entwined. When she found out she was pregnant again, she must have been so scared...and I wasn't there. 

"I can't go through that again," she mumbles. "I won't. I want this baby. Things are different this time." 

I nod and smile down at her. What did she mean? She said she didn't love Richard enough to have a baby with him. Does that mean she loves me? No! Of course not. I shouldn't even be thinking about myself right now. She said things were different now. She's different. She's stronger. She grew up. 

I realise I'm in a world of my own when she stands. I look up at her, questioning her actions. Where is she going? She smiles at me and it hits me again just how beautiful she really is. I really don't think I could love her anymore than I do right now. 

"You've got a lot to think about. You need to think about what you want. Whether or not you want to be involved in this. I'm not forcing you into anything. I just thought you should know. Think about it...and let me know." 

She leans down and kisses me lightly on the cheek, her touch sending shivers down my spine. Cliche, but true. How can she not know what I want? I want her. I sigh slightly. But she wants Jason. I smile up at her and, unable to speak, I nod gently. And she leaves. I don't have to think about anything. I know what I want. I want to be involved. I'm going to be a Dad. This is amazing. Only in my dreams had I thought it possible to be having children with Abby and although it's not exactly as it is in my dream...it's as close as I'm gonna get. I'm going to be a Dad! 


	5. chapter 5

Chapter Five 

E-mail: cheeza@supanet.com 

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I'm standing in the supply cupboard at work. I'm supposed to be looking for something for Weaver but instead I find myself gazing down at my stomach. It's silly, I know, but I can't help it. I'm happy, truly happy. It amazes me how much your life can change in a couple of days. Two days ago all I was planning was where I was gonna eat at lunchtime. Now I'm planning the colour scheme in the nursery. I laugh at myself slightly. I don't think I've ever been this excited about anything. I don't know how I'm gonna wait six months. 

My thoughts turn to Carter, as usual. It amazes me how sweet he is. I expected him to be...I don't know...disappointed in me when I told him about my abortion. But he was supportive and he didn't judge me. That's what I love about him. I've been feeling so anxious since yesterday. What if he says he doesn't want to be involved? I shake my head slightly. No, it's Carter. He'd never do that. I smile happily, my hand lingering on my stomach. I'm going to be a Mother. I'm still waiting on it sinking in. I think over what I said to Carter. This time it is different. I love Carter...even if he doesn't love me back. And I'm stronger now. I can do this. More importantly, I want to do this. 

Lost in my own thoughts I don't even realise someone's beside me until, 

"Hey." I spin round and stumble backwards slightly. He rushes forward and grabs my arm to steady me. "Oh God! I'm sorry." Are you okay?" He asks. I start to giggle - giggle, when have I ever done that?! - at the worried look on his face. 

"I'm fine. I just didn't know you were there." He nods slightly, the worry still obvious in his deep brown eyes. 

"How are you?" He asks softly. 

"I'm fine." I look up at him, begging him to tell me how he feels. That he's happy. He reads my eyes and begin to speak, 

"Look, about yesterday...I was..." 

"Shocked?" 

"Yeah. To tell you the truth I still am." I nod. Is he happy? He stands looking uncomfortable before asking, 

"Have you told him yet?" I look at him, confused. Told who? I realised who he's talking about and immediately feel guilty. How could I forget my boyfriend? Jason. There's a good word to remember. I look down, unwilling to meet his eyes, 

"Not yet. I mean, I only just started dating him. It's gonna be hard enough telling him I'm pregnant...nevermind that he's not even the Father." I laugh nervously, wishing he would just tell me how he felt. Is he trying to make this hard...or am I just being unreasonable? When he doesn't say anything I continue, 

"Plus, I thought it'd be best if I know, you know, where you and I stood first." Again I look into his eyes, eyes I could so easily get lost in, looking for an answer. This time it's him that is nervous. 

"I...uh...I'm...I'm...yesterday I was surprised but...I am happy about this Abby. Really, really happy. And...I want to be involved as much a possible...I mean...if you want me to." He looks at me hopefully and I feel like my heart's about o burst. I nod my head slightly, tears threatening to appear, 

"Yeah, that's what I want too." My smile matched his as I reach up to hug him. He holds be tightly and I feel warmth and security coming from him. He'll be there for me. I don't want to let go, but I feel him pull back slightly and look at me, his mouth curved upwards into a smile, 

"We're going to have a baby!" I hear the excitement in his voice and it makes me smile. 

"Yeah," I whisper. I'm so glad he's happy. It makes this all the more amazing. 

"So...how do we do this?" He asks gently. I shrug, 

"I don't know. I guess we just figure it out as we go along." I smile again and take his hand, I hold it to my stomach. He looks at me, grinning. 

"I know you can't feel anything right now, but this is our baby." I blush, slightly embarrassed that I'm being so silly but continue, "And it might get hard, or weird, or...whatever. But it doesn't matter 'cause this is our baby." 

And we stand like that, his hand resting on my stomach, smiling at each other. This place is perfect. I look deep into the happiness of his eyes and feel a twinge at my heart. I want, so badly, to kiss him right now and, yeah, it hurts that I can't but I push it aside. I'm not going to let anything ruin this. I just keep watching him. After a while, I notice his eyes cloud over with worry, 

"You are okay, right? I mean, you've been checked out in OB haven't you?" I chuckle softly. It's cute that he's worried. 

"Yes, don't worry. I made an appointment for next week." He nods, thinking, 

"Okay, but promise me you'll take it easy until then." 

"Yes Dad!" I reply, without realising what I'm saying. He grins in return and I smile too. I seem to be doing that a lot today. "Right!" I roll my eyes, finally catching on. They dopey look in his eyes is matched in my own. 

"Guess I'm still not used to it." 

"Yeah well, you've got six months for it to sink in." 

"Six months," he sighs happily before his concern returns, 

"Seriously though...you promise to relax? I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby." 

"I promise. You're going to be one of those really overprotective fathers aren't you?" I grin cheekily, as does he. 

"You bet!" 

"Do you wanna come?" I ask shyly. 

"Where?" 

"Do you want to come with me next week when I go for my check up?" 

"Can I? You don't mind?" He asks, as shyly as I did. 

"You should be there. I want you to be there." He nods as his smile widens. 

And again, we stand in silence, still trying to absorb everything. Unfortunately our moment is interrupted. 

"Abby, have you got me that catheter yet?" Weaver barked. I roll my eyes, 

"I better go..." I grab the drug and open the door. 

"Abby..." He begins uncertainly. I turn and look at him. I sense his uneasiness as he stutters, "What...what made you decide...to...to keep this baby?" 

I look up at him and smile gently assuring him to was okay to ask. I knew it would come eventually. I search deep inside myself for the answer. There are so many reasons why I want this. I'm stronger now, I'm ready, I can cope with a baby now. I'm happier... All excellent reasons but not the ones I give him. Standing here, looking deep into his eyes I know what it is that gives me then strength to see this through this time and I whisper simply before disappearing out the door, 

"It's yours." 

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A/N: So there you have it, chapter Five. Chapter six should be up soon. If you've got time please review (either by clicking below or by e-mailing me)! Thanks for reading. 

Theresa 


	6. It's been a while

Sorry, no new chapter!!  
  
I want to start writing this fic again but I'm having major writer's block problems. I have some vague ideas about where this will go but that's about it.  
  
So, here I stand before you begging for input. Where do you think the fic should go? Got any ideas?   
  
If you have, e-mail them to me at:  
  
visitme@thelooneybin03.fsnet.co.uk  
  
And I'll try to finish ASAP  
  
Thanks,  
  
Theresa 


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